Jazelle Maira

Jazelle's Bullseye

(This is a guest post by Jazelle’s husband.) A trip to Tajima Onsen in Japan In this summer vacation, we visited Arima-Onsen town in Japan. The town is known for its hot spring (Onsen). As we explored the town, we bumped into a small shop called Arima Tansanriki (有馬炭酸力) that specializes in carbonated drinks. Jazelle likes soda (especially Coke), so we chose to visit. We entered the shop and suddenly noticed that they sell not only the Arima soda (Arima Cider) but also sodas from places all over Japan.

Mi familia

Two months ago, our family, my father-in-law and two beautiful nieces visited us. It was a short 8-days-stay but a very meaningful one. I was really happy when I heard that they wanted to visit but also, I was anxious. My husband’s family has been so wonderful to me, I wanted their stay to be nothing but incredible. When I went to Japan almost 3 years ago, I didn’t meet my husband’s nieces.

My Winter

The first day of the winter season is the day of the year when the Sun is farthest south. When I was diagnosed, I felt as though winter started early for me. There was a sudden freezing cold that followed me wherever I went. It marked the scariest season of my life thus far. I love the cold but this winter really gave me the coldest, longest nights and the dimmest dawn.

Late night thoughts

It’s been a while since my last post. There are drafts, random thoughts. I’m not really sure if they make any sense, that is why I haven’t had the courage to let them out. Afraid of being judged, I guess. I get caught up in my head sometimes. I think way too much about how others see me. So much so that I end up not doing the things I really want to do, or worse, doing things just to please people.

Being bald

I was never afraid of going bald. I saw my mother lose all her hair during her chemo and it didn’t make her less beautiful. It made her beauty radiate more. When my oncologist told me about my diagnosis, he also told me about the side effects that come with chemotherapy. He mentioned fatigue, nausea, loss of appetite, change in taste, and hair loss. He said there are medicines he can give to prevent all the side effects except for hair loss.

Faith

I don’t go to Church every Sunday. I don’t pray the rosary every day. And I can’t remember the last time I had my confession with the presence of a priest. I, by all means, am not a perfect Catholic but I believe in God wholeheartedly and faithfully. When I heard that I may have lymphoma, I was terrified but I didn’t ask the question most people do when they’re hit by a catastrophic news, I didn’t ask my God, “Why me?

Blessed beyond words!

Two years ago I got married. I met my loving husband when we were in college. We were both taking BS Psychology but I didn’t meet him until we were in the third year. He was a friend of my dear friend. Tall and thin with a face that is always neat. Handsome? Sure! He’s one of the most intelligent and gritty persons in our batch. I would often see him in the library with his laptop on and Psych journals to read.

Below zero

On the day of my diagnosis, there was a news that broke my heart into pieces. It broke my heart in a way cancer could never do. It left me frozen inside. What’s the news? You may become infertile; You may never have a child of your own. I have read this chemotherapy side effect during the nights I kind of obsessed reading about lymphoma (treatments and personal stories of other warriors).

New journey

To anyone who’s reading, hello! Before anything else, I’d like to warn you… I’m not a good writer but that’s not the point of writing, right? (excuse! Haha) My name is Jazelle Maira. I’m a wife to a wonderful man, a daughter to my loving parents, a sister to a beautifully strong woman, a friend to very supportive few, a stranger to most, and recently I became a cancer warrior.